THE SEARCH

What is it that we search for and desire more than anything else in life?

That’s what I have been asking myself and those closest to me. Can it be put in a single word or perhaps a catchy phrase? Do I look ever more longingly in the well worn bible pages as I pour over them in prayer? Yes I look in all the places I possibly can to find that nugget of truth and wisdom that could satisfy what is surely my deepest inmost longing. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that life itself is not presently in that realm that Christ described as “abundant”. So what’s wrong? There is no lack of walking and talking with the Savior, so why then are there those days so shorn of “abundant”? But my spirit is not even that insistent on “abundant”, although there is that certain element of abundant, for which I seem to still be looking. Is there a lack in areas of the ministry satisfaction? Does the extended family present anxieties that are pervasive? Is it perhaps an issue of health or finances? Or is it just that subtle worry that we all have to daily confront? No, it does not seem to be an enemy to defeat as much as a discovery yet to be made.

In the pre-dawn darkness when cherished sleep has fled my being, I think I see a glimmer, no, a flash of light that captured my attention. I can see, yes there it is. It has been revealed to me as surely as Sutter’s gold. And it thankfully is not a theory nor an axiom for wise living. No, it is simply a word. Surely it is a word filled with the life of the past, present, and the future. It is a word that in a most singular way is ripe with definition, direction and understanding. It is perhaps one of the most pervasive as any word that is foundational to our emotions and our life. Amidst the ore of other competing truth lies this nugget word “Normal”. There I have said it. That is what I want my life to be. I want it to be normal. And I am surrounded by a crowd of other yearning hearts who also can see the treasure within that word. They too have wrestled with life’s challenges to the point of weariness. They would so love to be past the illness, the loss, the heartache, or even the frustration of labor yet unrewarded.

But then, just as surely as the word gives forth its gleam I realize that it is not yet mine. In fact it is held fast within the grip of the other treasures that the Father has yet to bestow. So are we to be deprived of our hearts yearning? No, for there is an awareness that when what we had hoped for normal would not be given, then there is another word that lights our soul. You see the normal we have been seeking is all too elusive in this ever changing landscape of life. Our memories of the past are flawed and nostalgia unfulfilling. We find that normal simply won’t stay where you want it to within your heart. I need something else; something that the savior can give me now. I need something that will be the rock, the foundation. So in the moment of my sobering search comes the answer, the word I should have suspected. The Lord simply and eloquently speaks “peace”. It is not just the peace that can get you through a difficult day, although it is that. But this peace is a peace that passes all understanding. This is the peace that calms our soul and lifts our spirits. It is the peace that reminds us of all that Christ has been in our past and all that He has promised to be in our future. This peace emanates from the very throne room of the father and daily floods our soul afresh.

Richard Lauby